{"id":1033,"date":"2024-06-01T06:00:15","date_gmt":"2024-06-01T11:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/?p=1033"},"modified":"2024-07-29T22:30:27","modified_gmt":"2024-07-30T03:30:27","slug":"listening-to-others-grief-and-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/listening-to-others-grief-and-pain\/","title":{"rendered":"Listening to Others Grief and Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-1 nonhundred-percent-fullwidth non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling\" style=\"--awb-border-radius-top-left:0px;--awb-border-radius-top-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-left:0px;--awb-flex-wrap:wrap;\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-0 fusion_builder_column_1_1 1_1 fusion-one-full fusion-column-first fusion-column-last\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-column-has-shadow fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\"><div class=\"fusion-aligncenter\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-custom fusion-button-default button-1 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type fusion-has-button-gradient\" style=\"--button_accent_color:#000000;--button_accent_hover_color:#000000;--button_border_hover_color:#000000;--button_gradient_top_color:#dead36;--button_gradient_bottom_color:rgba(222,173,54,0.85);--button_gradient_top_color_hover:rgba(222,173,54,0.85);--button_gradient_bottom_color_hover:#dead36;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2024\/05\/Flourish-Jun-2024_French.pdf\"><span class=\"fusion-button-text\">\u2022\u2022T\u00e9l\u00e9chargez les documents en fran\u00e7ais\u2022\u2022<\/span><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:5px;margin-bottom:5px;width:100%;\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-1 fusion_builder_column_1_1 1_1 fusion-one-full fusion-column-first fusion-column-last\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-column-has-shadow fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\"><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-1\"><p>Sooner or later, nearly every one of us will be called upon to minister to someone who is suffering, grieving, or in pain. While it is natural to want to say the right thing, to make them feel better, or to make sure their faith is firm, often what a hurting person needs is someone to simply listen. Especially when we are far away and cannot offer physical help or comfort, listening is the most important thing we can do.<\/p>\n<p>As we continue growing in our theme of \u201clisten\u201d, this month we will reflect on how to listen to others&#8217; grief and pain.<\/p>\n<h4>Listening is difficult<\/h4>\n<p>\u2018Weep with those who weep\u2019 (Romans 12:15). \u2018Carry each other\u2019s burdens\u2019 (Galatians 6:2)<\/p>\n<p>These are familiar verses, and all of us could quickly recite them and agree they are important. And yet we struggle to do it. When faced with someone in the depths of grief, we feel so helpless and awkward.<\/p>\n<p>One of the most important ways to \u2018carry burdens\u2019 is to listen well to those who are suffering. Listening to someone who is grieving can be difficult because:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"list-style-type: circle;\">\n<li>Their overwhelming circumstances and emotions make us uncomfortable.<\/li>\n<li>It may feel exhausting, especially if they are repeating themselves and want to talk for a long time.<\/li>\n<li>We don\u2019t know what to say.<\/li>\n<li>We want to make them feel better, but don\u2019t know how.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>To listen well, we must be prepared to overcome these difficulties. Here are three practical things you can do to show love by listening to a person who is suffering.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1) Do not correct or challenge them (yet)<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">To \u2018mourn with those who mourn\u2019 we have to be willing to let them feel their feelings. We have to actually be willing to be sad with them. When someone is suffering, depressed, or grieving, sometimes they make statements like \u2018God hates me. I\u2019m a failure. There is no hope\u2026\u2019 We know these things are not true, so we say, \u2018Don\u2019t say that!\u2019 or \u2018Where is your faith?\u2019<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">While that is a natural response, there is a better way to \u2018weep with those who weep.\u2019 Remember the reminder in James 1:19 to be \u2018quick to listen and slow to speak\u2019. The more someone is suffering, the slower we should be to speak! Instead of challenging them right away, try to listen and understand that they are really sharing their feelings: \u2018I feel like God hates me. I feel like a failure. I feel hopeless.\u2019 Comfort their feelings instead of correcting their theology. Say things like, \u2018I\u2019m so sorry you feel that. That\u2019s an awful feeling to have.\u2019<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">If you listen long enough, they may self-correct. Eventually you will hear them say, \u2018I know God doesn\u2019t really hate me.\u2019 Or, there may come a time to offer a word of truth like, \u2018I know you feel hopeless, but is that what the Bible tells us?\u2019 But remember\u2013be VERY SLOW to speak. Only after the person feels the love of God through your patient listening and comfort will they be able to hear the truth about that love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2) Draw out the conversation<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">Because grief is uncomfortable, we can be too quick to change the subject (or cut them off with \u2018I\u2019ll pray for you!\u2019). Often, what the hurting person really needs is to keep talking about it. We can \u2018mourn with those who mourn\u2019 by asking questions that help them process and express their feelings. Simple questions like \u2018tell me more\u2019, \u2018how did that make you feel\u2019, and \u2018what else\u2019 can encourage them to keep sharing. Be careful that your questions are to help them process their experience and feelings\u2014this is different from asking probing questions that give you information to satisfy your curiosity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3) Name their feelings<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">With the best intentions, we often jump right to offering words of encouragement. Someone shares that they feel hopeless, and we respond, \u2018Remember that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him!\u2019 But someone who is suffering may feel hurt by these quick words instead of being encouraged. They may feel that their experience is wrong or that you are telling them to \u2018snap out of it\u2019 and stop feeling bad.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">Another common mistake is to try to solve their problem. To someone grieving the death of a child, we might be tempted to say, \u2018You are still young. You\u2019ll have another baby.\u2019 But remember that the Bible does not say \u2018help the mourner stop mourning.\u2019 It says to \u2018mourn with those who mourn.\u2019 Do not try to solve the problem.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">So what should we do instead of trying to solve problems or giving them words of encouragement? One helpful thing you can do is to name their feelings. For example, as you listen, they may tell you that they can\u2019t sleep, they don\u2019t know what will happen, and they&#8217;re struggling to pray. You may say, \u2018It sounds like you feel scared. Is that right?\u2019 Often when someone is suffering, naming and acknowledging their feelings can free them to take the next steps in healing. It also helps you know how to pray for them and with them.<\/p>\n<p>Some of these listening skills do not come naturally for most of us. But any of us can do them with practice. I encourage you to keep this month\u2019s Day of Prayer devotion in a place where you can easily find it again next time a friend, family member, or coworker is suffering.<\/p>\n<p>Below is a devotional to help you process and reflect on listening to others who are walking through pain and grief.<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-aligncenter\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-custom fusion-button-default button-2 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type fusion-has-button-gradient\" style=\"--button_accent_color:#000000;--button_accent_hover_color:#000000;--button_border_hover_color:#000000;--button_gradient_top_color:#dead36;--button_gradient_bottom_color:rgba(222,173,54,0.85);--button_gradient_top_color_hover:rgba(222,173,54,0.85);--button_gradient_bottom_color_hover:#dead36;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2024\/05\/Flourish-Jun-2024_English.pdf\"><span class=\"fusion-button-text\">\u2022\u2022Download the Devotions\u2022\u2022<\/span><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":1030,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1033","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-growth","category-listening-skills"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1033"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1035,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033\/revisions\/1035"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1030"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1033"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1033"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1033"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}