{"id":49,"date":"2017-01-15T22:02:40","date_gmt":"2017-01-16T04:02:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/?p=49"},"modified":"2017-09-15T12:54:35","modified_gmt":"2017-09-15T17:54:35","slug":"handling-conflict-as-a-peace-maker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/handling-conflict-as-a-peace-maker\/","title":{"rendered":"Handling Conflict as a Peace-Maker"},"content":{"rendered":"

Conflict is inevitable. We see it all around us \u2013 at work, at home, on the roadways and even in the church. No relationship is immune and everyone of us will have to deal with it sooner or later. <\/span><\/p>\n

As I have surveyed the landscape of various cultures, I have come to realize that humans as a whole struggle to deal with conflict in a healthy way\u2026myself included. We tend to blame, argue, defend, name-call, run from it, hide from it, undermine, disrespect and sometimes even sue. I think it is fairly safe to say that we are dysfunctional in our handling of conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n

As Christian leaders, what do we do when conflict arises in our ministry? How do we handle it, and what does the Bible say? <\/span><\/p>\n

I believe the first step to handling conflict is recognizing our tendency. Most people tend to lean towards one of two categories: peace-breaker or peace-faker. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Peace-Breaker<\/b><\/p>\n

This is the person that doesn\u2019t back down from conflict but seeks to fight until a conclusion is reached. T<\/span>hey typically argue passionately, place a high value on justice, and fight tenaciously for what they believe in. They see winning the argument as the goal. However, peace-breakers can seem unloving and harsh to those they disagree with. They may sacrifice relationship to “win” a conflict.” <\/span>Summed up in a word \u2013 they attack<\/span><\/p>\n

The Peace-Faker<\/b><\/p>\n

The peace-faker, on the other hand, does everything they can to dodge conflict and suppress any anger they feel. They often withdraw, become quiet, find themselves on the defensive, and would rather escape a fight than win one. The peace-faker will often resort to silence or apathetic inaction believing they are doing good by self sacrificing. However, their inaction often undermines the trust of the relationship. Summed up in a word \u2013 they avoid.<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do you tend to fall? Are you vulnerable to one response over the other?<\/span><\/i> (Personally I am more of a faker than a breaker) <\/span><\/p>\n

I think it is safe to say, whatever your tendency is, neither is healthy. With that said how can we strive to be people who lead as peace-makers?<\/span><\/p>\n

The Peace-Maker<\/b><\/p>\n

In the simplest of terms the peace-maker is the person that understands grace. <\/span>They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, bringing His love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life. The peace-maker doesn\u2019t intimidate (peace-breaker) but they also don\u2019t hide (peace-faker). Summed up in a word \u2013 they love. <\/span><\/p>\n

Becoming a Peace-Maker<\/b><\/p>\n

The Bible gives us two main principles to consider:<\/span><\/p>\n

1) Confront in love<\/span><\/p>\n

Matthew 5:23-24 says: <\/span>\u201cTherefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,<\/span><\/i> leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.\u201d<\/span><\/i> (<\/span>Matthew 5:23-24<\/span><\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n

Matthew 18:15-17 says: <\/span>\u201cIf your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.<\/span><\/i> But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that \u2018every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.\u2019<\/span><\/i> If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.\u201d <\/span><\/i>(<\/span>Matthew 18:15-17<\/span><\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n

Both of these verses point towards confronting. Notice that, <\/span>whether you\u2019ve been offended or you\u2019ve offended someone else, <\/span>the<\/b> responsibility for reconciling is yours. <\/b><\/p>\n

For you peace-fakers, this is tough. The last thing you want to do is confront someone. However, in order to find forgiveness, healing, restoration, and unity, you must take intentional steps of reconciliation. <\/span><\/p>\n

For you peace-breakers, this feels like justification of your natural tendencies. However, let me remind you of this: your confronting must be done in <\/span>LOVE!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Colossians 3:12-14 says:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTherefore, as God\u2019s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.<\/span><\/i> Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Is this the type of love and character you bring when confronting conflict??<\/span><\/p>\n

2) Cover in love<\/span><\/p>\n

1 Peter 4:8:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAbove all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Proverbs 10:12:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

In these verses we see that the Bible is also clearly saying that there is a time to <\/span>not confront<\/span><\/i> but to \u201ccover up\u201d or better translated as forgive and move on. The reality is, we face many grievances daily that just need to be forgotten.<\/span><\/p>\n

In conclusion we see that there is clearly a time to confront and a time to cover when dealing with conflict. <\/span><\/p>\n

Finally\u2026 How do you know which one needs to be applied?<\/b><\/p>\n

This is the tough task isn\u2019t it? Knowing exactly when to confront and when to cover. <\/span><\/p>\n

While I wish there was a 3-step formula to pass along to you, there isn\u2019t. The best way to seek peace is to seek the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ.<\/span><\/p>\n

God tells Jeremiah in chapter 33:3:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCall to me and I will answer you\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Before responding, take a moment to gather your thoughts, pray and seek the ultimate peace-maker, Jesus. Ask God to give wisdom about what to do. Ask for discernment and insight into how to handle the situation. Whether you confront or cover, you need to do it with the grace and strength of the Holy Spirit. <\/span><\/p>\n

When you find yourself in conflict this week, month or year; I challenge you to consider your response. Should you confront or cover? Whatever God leads you towards, let\u2019s be a people and an organization that seeks to be peace-makers for the glory of God!<\/span><\/p>\n

Growth Point:<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n

Handling conflict as a peace-maker requires confronting and covering in love.<\/span><\/p>\n

Scripture Point:<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n

Reflect on Colossians 3:12-14. Ask God to reveal the areas where your character does not line up with this verse. <\/span><\/p>\n

Action Point:<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. A) Every day this week pray through Colossians 3:12-14<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. B) STOP! Don\u2019t respond in haste. When conflict arises in your life this week, commit yourself to pausing in prayer before responding. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Conflict is inevitable. We see it all around us \u2013 at work, at home, on the roadways and even in the church. No relationship is immune and everyone of us will have to deal with it sooner or later. As I have surveyed the landscape […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":50,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leadership-challenges"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":51,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions\/51"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/50"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reconciledworld.org\/flourish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}