Finding Grace at the Center of Parenting

I believe the enemy knows that one of the quickest ways to spiritually cripple us is through our children and our parenting relationship with them.

How many days have I lamented my impatience towards my child? Wondered if my discipline was too loose? Felt frustrated that my correction came too quickly? Felt like a disappointment as a father? The truth is that parenting is, in fact, one of the hardest tasks of my life. 

Without a foundation of grace, my best attempts at parenting will always fall a bit short of my expectations. 

As followers of Jesus, our parenting ought to be uniquely marked by grace. For those of you who are parents, here’s a peek into my journey and what I’ve been learning. I pray it’s an encouragement to you as a parent as well. 

Defining Grace 

Grace is God’s love for the unlovable. It’s God’s undeserved favor abundantly poured out over you and me. While we are so unworthy of God’s love, in His grace He still chooses us. Loves us. Cares for us. And believes in us (1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 1:4-5).

As a parent I need that reminder every day—that my shortcomings as a father don’t define me. While I will always fall short, His grace is sufficient to me and His power is actually made perfect through my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). That’s an amazing thought!

4 wrong thoughts about my parenting that need to be taken captive by grace

1. Perfection is the expectation. “I’m a pastor; I’m a ministry leader… I should know how to discern God’s will perfectly for every parenting decision. I should be the best example of good, godly… perfect… parenting.” I often feel, if I’m struggling to know how to lead my kids, then I’m doing something wrong! I need God’s grace to fill me when these thoughts enter. I am not, have not been, and will never be a perfect parent. It doesn’t mean I won’t try my absolute best but, in the end, I know God’s grace is for me when I will inevitably fail.
2. That parent has it more together than me! “I should have thought to do that special thing for my daughter.” “Why don’t I lead a Bible study like that for my kids?” I think it is a temptation for every parent to sometimes think like this, no matter how wonderful our kids act. When I hear of a parent doing something special for their child, I can easily feel deficient in my parenting. Comparing will sometimes give me ideas and spur me on to better parenting, but more often than not comparing drags me down and makes me feel like a failure as a parent. I need God’s grace to push aside the temptations to compare and just embrace the way God’s choosing to lead me.
3. Good parenting is reflected in direct obedience. “If my kids obey the first time then I’ve succeeded in my job as a parent.” Yes, obedience is an incredible fruit but, ultimately, I have come to realize that I want my kids to obey because they choose to, not only out of fear of punishment. I need God’s grace daily to help me prioritize shaping their hearts and not just their actions.
4. My child’s decisions directly reflect my successfulness as a parent. “If my daughter chooses to be selfish, then I’ve failed somewhere along the way.” “If my child rebels or struggles with self-esteem or chooses to reject steps of faith, I’m the one who has messed up.” This one has been hard for me lately. I too quickly place that burden of my child’s choices on myself. It’s my fault, my failure as a parent. And while, yes, I realize my parenting plays a significant role in their growth, I must also choose to cling to God’s grace when things go badly. God-given free will leads them just as it leads me. Their choices are not all mine to carry. Come, Lord Jesus, with your grace!

Grace at the Center

I cannot expect to model God’s grace to my children if I reject God’s grace for myself. Parenting is hard, confusing, exhausting, and a journey of faith. That’s why we need more and more of God’s grace—for ourselves and our children—every single day. Without it the enemy will chew us up and spit us out with lies, burdens, shame, and dejection (John 10:10).

We are in this together, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. Let’s vow to choose God’s grace and claim the promises of abundant life that the Lord desires for our families (Romans 15:13).

[1] https://www.christianity.com/theology/what-is-grace.html

https://www.beforethecross.com/devotionals/parenting-with-grace-for-yourself/

https://thepurposefulmom.com/parenting-our-children-by-grace.html