If a pastor or ministry leader isn’t careful, the success of their ministry could mean the failure of their family. Whether single or married, kids or no kids, every ministry leader must be aware of the temptation to let their work take over their life.
I remember working with a colleague many years ago who was charismatic, successful, and always working. He loved his local church, cared deeply for people, and was always working. He was a gifted teacher, had a magnetic personality, had a passion to build the kingdom of God, and was always working. You get the point. My friend was a dynamic ministry leader and a workaholic all in one. Even though he was extremely fruitful in his ministry, I couldn’t help but wonder how his two boys felt. What did his wife think of him teaching about a Christian worldview late into the evening on a school night – while she once again cooked, cleaned, and put the family to bed? I know he loved his family, but I often wondered if he cared so much about the demands and needs of his ministry that he missed out on the joy and responsibility of being a present father.
Your family is your ministry
Your family is your ministry. That is not to say that you should sit around and totally neglect your job, no. It does mean, however, that as a busy ministry leader, you will need to make some priorities and, in doing so, create boundaries that protect and secure your family time.
Peter Greer in the book Spiritual Dangers of Doing Good makes this statement: “Transformational leadership begins at home. No matter what the numbers at work say, we aren’t a success unless our children and spouses are on board with what we do.”[1] Our first priority in life is always a growing and intimate relationship with God, the center and source of all we do. Second, though, is our spouse (the one we have made a covenant of marriage with) and our children or family. Our family is a part of our ministry and we have a responsibility to lead and shepherd them. The problem comes when our vocation or work takes precedent over our family responsibilities. As Peter Greer says, we must not confuse our service and commitment to God with our vocation. The two are not synonymous. [1]
The apostle Paul doesn’t spend a lot of time writing about how pastors and leaders are to be consumed with building a ministry with growing numbers, but he does have something to say about our availability to our family.
1 Tim. 3:4-5: “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)”
In the face of workaholic temptations are we wise and convicted enough to prioritize our family as the ministry opportunity they are?
Some lies we face
As with many challenges we face, there are numerous lies that often twist our thinking and actions. Here are a few to consider:
Ministry work, unlike other jobs is “for God” therefore it justifies neglecting the family in order to do the things that have eternal consequences.
- The truth is, it doesn’t honor God to steamroll friends and family in pursuit of service.[1]
Without me, the church or ministry will fail. I have to do it all!
- You may have an inflated view of your importance. This kind of perspective will wear you out and leave you frazzled and weary.
Everyone in my family loves Jesus, therefore we’re good. We’ll be healthy and figure it out.
- A vibrant and healthy family doesn’t just happen. It takes intentionality, planning, preparing, and lots of commitment to each other.[1]
What happens at home is separate from my ministry and work. The two don’t impact each other.
- The enemy wants nothing more than for you to grow your ministry by shrinking your family through neglect. Your problems at home will ultimately extinguish your ability to lead and minister with integrity.
If serving God through service is good, then serving God through more service is better.
- 90 hours every week writing, training, preaching etc. does not equal holiness. Sometimes even too much of a good thing can harm you and those around you.
I’m single so this issue doesn’t apply to me.
- If you are single, it is just as easy to become a servant-hearted workaholic. In fact, with fewer boundaries, an unbalanced life can be an even greater threat. Without boundaries, you are equally as likely to miss out on deep relationships with family and friends and become isolated and less effective in your service.[1]
My friends, the truth is ministry doesn’t have a finish line. There is always more to do, another lesson to teach, another person to reach. As we seek to pursue God’s ways in all we do, we must be willing to admit that transformation is not up to us but to God. This frees us to prioritize healthy balance. The growth of a ministry doesn’t depend on us. God has called us to love Him and to love others, and there is no better way of doing that than through serving and loving the people He has placed closest to us. Be present for your family. Be engaged. Serve them. Lead them. Love them. That, in part, is what a successful ministry looks like.
If this is a current struggle for you, I would love the opportunity to talk and pray with you. I have also placed a few more resources at the bottom of this page to help you.
Growth Point:
Don’t let your work take you from your family. Steamrolling your family for the sake of your vocation does not honor the Lord.
Scripture Point:
Read Luke 12:34. Are your investments of “treasures” (time and energy) in the right place?
Action Point:
Take 15 minutes this week to ask your family or friends how you are doing as a friend, parent, or spouse. Allow God to encourage or convict you through their answers.
More Resources
So what do you do if this is you?
If you find yourself struggling with this issue here are a couple of suggestions:
- Don’t just pass it off as a season that will end. You need to make intentional changes in order to find and build healing.
- Repent and confess. Spend time before the Lord seeking his word for healing and then go before it your spouse and confess your neglect and shortcomings. Seek forgiveness and accept God’s grace.
- Build a plan. Give yourself some guardrails that will help you stay on track. Discover what the healthy balance is for you and together with your spouse or family commit to it.
- Find accountability. Invite some close friends in to help keep you accountable. Be sure they are willing to ask you the hard questions.
Questions to Ask your Spouse[1]
- Do my actions show you that apart from Jesus Christ, I have no higher love?
- How well are we serving together?
- How well am I encouraging your spiritual growth?
- How well am I guarding our time together?
- How well are we discipling our children together?
- How can I love you better?
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