Dealing with loneliness in leadership

Are you experiencing loneliness in your ministry? Do you feel like you have no one to support you and you feel alone in your leadership?

It seems shocking to think about. How could anyone in ministry leadership who deals with people, decisions and burdens all day long struggle with loneliness? But the truth is many Christian ministry leaders do. They feel alone, isolated and unhappy.

As I have talked with several of you over the past weeks I have also begun to learn that we in Reconciled World are not immune.

Ministry leadership is tough and without proper measures loneliness can quickly set in. How does this happen? Below are some ongoing situations that can lead to loneliness.

  • When all the ministry responsibilities appear to rest on your shoulders and you have no one to help you.
  • When everyone looks to you for the answer.
  • Some days you don’t know what to do or how to prioritize decisions.
  • When you are seen as the person that needs to help fix everyone else’s problems. [1]

What makes these situations difficult is that amidst all of this stress you feel like no one is concerned about your personal struggles and you don’t know who to trust or turn to.

If this is you, here are a few things to consider:

Be aware! Leadership loneliness can be dangerous

Loneliness opens a person to vulnerabilities that can lead to:

  1. Isolation. Solitude is good. It’s healthy and healing. But isolation is a tool used by the enemy. When you isolate yourself, you lose touch with reality and distance yourself from healthy relationships.
  2. Burnout. Healthy relationships energize people. Loneliness depletes people of energy. The lonely leader is more likely to experience burnout than those who have developed mutually healthy relationships.
  3. Moral failure. Unfortunately, some leaders seek to fill the voids created by loneliness by entering into inappropriate relationships. Ministries are destroyed, and families are torn apart.
  4. Depression. Some level of depression is inevitable with the lonely ministry leader. Some of it can be very serious. [2]

But leadership doesn’t have to be this way! Here are a few suggestions for confronting ministry loneliness head on.

Let others help bear the burdens

As leaders our tendency is to go at ministry alone. However, the Bible says we are to “bear with one another.” (Galatians 6:2) God didn’t design us to do life alone. This goes for ministry leaders as well. Here are three ways to allow others to help bear your burdens.

  1. Cultivate relationships with leaders outside your organization you trust. They are probably struggling with some of the same issues. Your friendship can be mutually beneficial.
  2. Find a confidant. Be intentional about developing a healthy relationship with one trusted person you can confide in.
  3. Seek a mentor. Find someone who is walking further down the road from you, but going in the direction you want to go.

Ignore other leaders who live unhealthy lives.

For whatever reason, ministry attracts workaholics! Don’t compare your ministry to others; go home on time, make wise use of your ministry time and never forget that it’s Jesus’ job to grow the church.

Talk to God about it and learn from Jesus.

If Jesus needed to share his burdens with his disciples and with his Father, how much more do we as merely human leaders? Find time to bring your burdens before the Lord in prayer asking for guidance and wisdom. God can lead you towards steps of freedom.

Growth Point

Loneliness in leadership can happen to anyone and needs to be addressed in intentional ways.

Scripture Point

Read Galatians 6:2 and reflect on how this is a reality in your life.

Action Point

Take time this week to assess your leadership. If loneliness is something you are feeling, find someone to talk with and make a plan to overcome it.

[1] http://www.ronedmondson.com/2015/11/addressing-the-loneliness-of-a-pastor.html

[2] http://ministrytodaymag.com/leadership/pastoral-care/20365-the-lonely-pastor-9-observations

http://adammclane.com/2010/07/12/5-ways-to-fight-loneliness-in-leadership/

http://careynieuwhof.com/2013/05/hey-leaders-loneliness-is-a-choice/

Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash