Loving others: Seeing through brokenness

Have you ever asked your friend or co-worker to do something for you only to be let down? Has your spouse, parent, or boss ever completely failed to live up to your expectations? Have you ever seen the weakness or life choices in someone else and struggled to accept them? My guess is that your answer to those questions is “yes.”

If you have ever developed a relationship of any kind with another human being, you have likely come to grips with the fact that every living person is broken to some degree. We are all sinful, needy people who struggle with brokenness and carry with us the wounds from our past. And yet God calls us to be filled with patience and kindness; to love others and to look after their interests (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Mark 12:31, Philippians 2:4). How do we do that?

In our last post on loving others, we talked about the need to “live without offense”. In this post, I want to talk about the need to see through others’ brokenness. Together I hope they grow us in our ability to truly love others as God commanded.

Some statements we know to be true:

1. There are no perfect people. People, in their brokenness, are bound to let you down.
2. You also carry brokenness and have blind spots of your own, and you too have surely let people down.
3. Our brokenness comes in all forms and fashions. The man covered in dirt standing on the street corner and the millionaire cheating his way to fortune are both equally broken.
4. Brokenness is painful, often impacting many areas of our lives.
5. Healing from our brokenness takes patience and time and comes through the power of a loving God at work in our lives.

We need the perspective given by the Holy Spirit

It is easy to judge people. When someone seems rude, acts lazy, or lies to us, we can easily assume it’s because they are vindictive or bad people. It’s easy to assume they must be doing what they are doing because they have poor intentions or are looking for the easy way out. But brokenness is deep and complex. It manifests itself in countless ways that impact our relationships, beliefs, and actions. In order to truly love others, we need a fresh perspective from the Holy Spirit, a perspective that goes beyond the human eye and into the heart.

Seeing into the heart

Jesus saw past the physical and emotional brokenness of people and into their hearts. He was not intimidated by their symptoms, but rather saw them at their core. He chose to see the heart of the woman in John 4 and minister to her in her pain caused by failed marriages and sexual sin. We see Him speak to the core of the wealthy tax collector, Zacchaeus, in Luke 19 and love him by spending time with him when no one else would. If we are ever going to love others well, we have to devote ourselves to loving people at a heart level like Jesus did.^[1]

If there is a particular person in your life or workplace that you struggle to love due to the symptoms of their brokenness, here are some suggestions to reflect on:

1. How does God see them?

Psalms 34:18 says: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and sees the crushed in spirit.” God sees them and is near to them. He cares for them deeply.

2. Is your brokenness impacting their brokenness?

Maybe the way you are responding, speaking, treating, or reacting to them is impacting their reaction to you? Are your past wounds (lack of esteem, failures, harsh critics) controlling the way you perceive this person? Ask God to reveal to you what a loving response would look like.

3. What is God’s dream for them?

While you can’t know the details, you can certainly understand the broad strokes. Not only are they beautifully and purposefully made by God but he desires them to be fruitful and to flourish. (Psalms 1:1-3; Psalms 139:13-16; Isaiah 43:4; Zephaniah 3:17).

4. What are some ways to build them up? To speak God’s heart to them?

As a pastor, I find that a word of encouragement can go a long way. Try it out. Maybe you will find an openness that you never thought was there.

5. Ask God for humility.

The Bible says it is easy to see the speck in another’s eye and not the plank in your own (Matthew 7:3). Ask God to remove your judgment and impatience and to replace them with humility and compassion.

6. Pray and give thanks for them.

Most important of all, thank God for them. Pray for them and ask God to bless them. Witness the difference it will make. (1 John 5:16)

Trust in God’s desire to bring healing

Many of us will have aspects of physical, emotional, and spiritual brokenness that we will carry for the rest of our lives. However, the truth we must understand is that God is in the process of bringing healing to those things and situations, including to the person you have identified above.

Next time you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated ask God to help you to listen first. Try to imagine yourself in the other person’s place to understand why they are doing what they’re doing. Remember your own brokenness. Be reminded of your own blind spots and ask God for a renewal of grace for them once again. It doesn’t mean you condone their actions. It simply means you love them in spite of their brokenness.

[1] https://www.first15.org/07/17/seeing-past-the-brokenness/

https://relevantmagazine.com/life5/why-my-brokenness-doesnt-define-me-anymore/