If we want our children to understand and respond to God’s grace, then they need to receive more than just information about God. They need to see God’s unmerited grace modeled to them. When we treat our kids the way God treats His kids – with grace – their hearts and lives can be changed.
My children need grace. Every day. They don’t always listen, they aren’t always tidy, and they rarely respond to discipline, instructions, or requests in a perfect way. Like me, they mess up, get frustrated and react in prickly ways. The question I have long struggled with throughout parenting is: “How do I best model God’s grace to my beautiful, delightful, and sinful children?”
In the previous blog we discussed ways to give grace to ourselves as parents. Now, let’s talk about ways to express and convey grace to our children.
A grace reminder
Grace is God’s love for the unlovable. It’s God’s undeserved favor abundantly poured out over you and me. While we are so unworthy of God’s love, in His grace He still chooses us, loves us, cares for us, and believes in us (1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 1:4-5).
Extending grace to our children does not mean no discipline. (Prov. 1:8-9) As parents we read in Proverbs 22:6 that we are to teach and train our children in the ways of God, which requires Godly discipline. With that said, balancing the need for discipline with the need for grace can be a huge parenting challenge. As a parent of two daughters myself, this is an area where I am constantly learning, growing, and maturing. For those of you who are parents, I am certainly not an expert. However, here are four thoughts I’ve concluded while wrestling with the question: “How do I best model God’s grace to my beautiful, delightful and sinful children?”
4 ways I am challenged to model grace to my children
- Give them the freedom to make mistakes. I find myself all too often expecting near perfection from my children. But the truth is all kids struggle at times. Even if you remind them several times to pick up their wet towel after a bath they may still struggle to obey. Sometimes their judgement is off, sometimes they say inappropriate things, sometimes they rebel. Parents, expect them to fail at times! When we have proper expectations, it’s much easier to extend grace. And when they do fall short, seek to lovingly respond to them with suitable correction and help them grow from their wrongs.
- Don’t take their wrongs personally. It’s not easy to live unoffended. My daughters do things at times that drive me crazy. Not to mention they also say things that occasionally hurt me. I can choose to be personally offended by their disobedience or I can choose to forgive them. It sounds too simple, but I have come to learn that when I choose forgiveness over offense, not only does healing and reconciliation come quicker, but I feel freer. Carrying offense is burdensome. God’s grace is freeing.
- Calm before consequences. I can have a tendency to overreact. Too often my discipline in the moment is not fair for the crime. I shout or take away a privilege that, later when I’m calm, I realize was more than the offense deserved. Sometimes the most grace-filled action is for me to take a step back, calm down, gather my thoughts and then address the issue with kindness and composure.
- Deposit more than you withdraw. I am starting to learn this with my older daughter. I need to deposit more good things (words of encouragement, listening, kindness, positive time together) into her life and mind. The more I give, the more I have to draw upon when I need to withdraw (correction or discipline). In other words, if I have filled her with words of life, then she will accept my correction with much more grace. [1]
*Here’s how I have applied: I have purposely started to prioritize saying to her at least one unique thing I am proud of her about, each day.
Grace and love
We extend grace to our children out of the love we have for them. Don’t forget our children are an extraordinary gift to us (Psalm 127:3)! They have been given to us, by God, to steward and train up. Therefore, we cannot discipline them however we choose. We need to submit to God’s ways as parents. Grace doesn’t mean we lower our standards or forget discipline, but rather, it means we approach them, in our correction, with a Christ-like heart. We seek to help them see a glimpse of the grace of God towards all who sin and miss the mark, especially ourselves. Our grace will help them understand – with their hearts and not just their minds – how amazing God’s grace truly is. [2]
Growth Point:
Four ways to extend grace to your children so that they might see the grace that God models to all who fall short in sin.
Scripture Point:
Read Psalm 127:3 and reflect on the gift that children are.
Action Point:
Determine to extend better grace to your children this week. Tell a spouse or friend who can watch and help you to stay accountable to your parenting in this area.
Love the very practical 4 ways to model grace
with our kids. Thank you Thank you. We all need grace.