For leaders, communication ranks near the top of the list of important skills.
I remember watching a documentary not long ago about identical twins. During the program two sisters were talking about how they knew each other so well they finished each other’s sentences and they felt empathic sadness when the other did. They called it twin telepathy! Crazy how that happens. They are an example of two individuals who have eerily similar communication styles. They connect, understand, and relate to each other nearly perfectly.
On the other end of the spectrum, have you ever worked with someone whose style of communicating was very different than yours? It seems they operate on a different wavelength? They never see things the way you do, and they tackle issues very differently than you do? We have all probably been confronted with that reality— individuals we simply struggle to communicate with. Most likely they are not weird, mean, disingenuous, or inflexible. Likely they have a different style of communicating, and you haven’t figured them out yet.
Different strokes for different folks
Research shows that people communicate in immeasurably different ways. Some people focus on feelings, other people on actions and tasks. Some prefer to concentrate on the big vision and others on the process.[1] None of these styles are wrong and all are important to the team, project, or organization. It’s simply one of the wonderful ways that God made us… unique! (Psalm 139:14)
Why it’s important to understand communication styles
All people desire to be heard and listened to. It is a basic human desire. When others perceive you as a good communicator—as someone who understands their thoughts and feelings—something powerful happens. You often get looked to for leadership and, many times, more respect and attention come your way. Good communicators (speakers and listeners) are the type of individuals who people desire to know and follow. Thus, it is important as leaders to not only understand your personal style of communication but also to have an awareness of the styles of others, especially those you collaborate with.
Knowing your style
Typically, each person has their primary style of communication, which is the style they are most comfortable with, but also have a backup style. Usually, this second style is dictated by our situation—the demands of our particular job if at work, the demands of domestic life if at home, etc. In general, most people fluctuate between their primary and secondary styles, forming a hybrid style of their own.[1] As a whole, the more we know about our personal style the better we can know ourselves and how we may need to adapt in order to effectively connect with others. Self-awareness in communication is a good thing.
Four general styles
There are lots of tests and assessments out there that effectively help people identify and understand their communication style. In September, during the India retreat with the RW staff, we each completed this assessment by Office Dynamics International. I chose this assessment because it was simple, concise, and free to use. The assessment breaks down your results into one of four different colors.
- Red: Action. Concrete, impulsive, and quick to action
- Yellow: People. Empathetic, relational, and seeks harmony
- Blue: Idea. Introspective, creative, and thinks big
- Green: Process. Precise, consistent, and prefers procedures
As I surveyed the landscape of the internet, most assessments broke things down into similar categories. Some used different terminology (director, thinker, expressor, harmonizer), but all of them essentially boiled things down to the same groupings.
If you have 20 minutes this week, I highly encourage you to take this assessment and see what your results are. Of course, nothing is meant to label you or put you into one rigid box; the purpose is simply to give you insights into some of the ways you have been wired to give and receive communication. You may find it helpful to complete this with your team or co-workers as well. You will notice that the assessment is followed by a page of descriptions that aid you in better understanding your style as well as how to communicate to and better utilize each of the other styles.
What did we learn?
I walked away from our India gatherings with several observations.
- It was a great reminder that communication is not black and white or the same for everyone. Each person receives and processes communication in different ways. What seems clear to one person may seem emotional to another. What seems thorough to one person may seem scattered to another.
- We realized that some of our past misses in communication may have been caused by different interpretations or styles of communication. For example, my detailed suggestion given in one email may have come across as blunt and forceful to another because of our different styles. It shed light on some pitfalls in the past, as well as giving insight into how to communicate differently in the future.
- We saw people’s communication styles come out as we played games. All of our games for the retreat (you all know I love games!) had to do with communication. After learning our styles, we could directly see the tendency of the Red “action” people to take control, the Yellow “relational” people to encourage, the Green “process” people to verify our steps, and the Blue “idea” people to keep the long-term goal in mind. It was fascinating to see the styles at work. This understanding will hopefully lend to even better collaboration in the future.
- We realized that the India team has a good mix of styles. (2 greens, 2 blues, 1 yellow, and 1 red)
It still requires grace
No assessment is foolproof. While an assessment is helpful to create understanding, it never takes the place of good listening, intentionality, and grace. As we grow in our communication may we always heed the words of Paul in Colossians 4:6: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Let me know what color your communication style is! I would enjoy knowing a little more about how God has wired and designed you. To God be the glory as we communicate and labor together for His praise!
Want to review more of God’s thoughts on communication? Here are a few verses you may consider reflecting on:
- Ephesians 4:29, 32
- James 1:19
- Psalms 19:14
- Proverbs 18:21
- Psalms 141:3
Growth Point:
Knowing your communication style and understanding the styles of others can strengthen, enlighten, and build your leadership capacity.
Scripture Point:
Choose two of the verses listed above and reflect on their meaning for you.
Action Point:
Take the assessment this week. Review and pray about what the assessment reveals. What are your strengths? Are there some ways you need to grow? Some ways you may need to adapt?
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