My parents never had the sex talk with me. I think they hoped my youth pastor or the gym teacher would take care of it. And to some extent that’s what happened. Fifth grade sex ed was all about mechanics, and I almost died of embarrassment. A few years later, I recall finding a stack of pornographic magazines at a friend’s house. Curiosity quickly turned to disgust. In the end—through some combination of television and movies, teen magazines, public school education, and giggly conversations with girlfriends—I got the general idea. Somehow, it turned out okay. 

But that was in the 1990s, before the internet opened up a whole new world of access to information. Then came the Wild West days of technology, when porn was popping up every time you tried to use Ask Jeeves or check your email on AOL. I developed the ability to find the purposely concealed, microscopic “X” on those porn pop-ups and click it within .2 seconds—like a cowboy in a shootout. I remember thinking, “Thank God I don’t have kids yet. This is horrible. My eyes!” 

Most of us felt helpless against the onslaught of porn back then. It was almost unavoidable that kids would stumble upon porn (or have it pop up in their faces). And for lots of people, what started accidentally led to curiosity and ended in a secret, shameful addiction. Churches often piled on guilt and shame instead of providing actual help. 

Thankfully, technology eventually caught up with the problem. Now, with better and better pop up blockers, spam filters, firewalls, and an arsenal of Fort Knox-level content control apps humming along silently in the background—along with closely monitoring my kids’ access to devices—I have been able to create a porn-free bubble around my household that has, so far, held fast. I have no doubt that my kids could disable it all in a hot second, but at least they would have to decide to go looking rather than have their eyes assaulted when they least expect it. (And yes, my tween does think I’m overprotective.)

In fact, until talking with a coworker in Africa recently, I hadn’t realized how prevalent and problematic porn still is. It felt like a problem of the past. Reality is less rosey:

  • Playboy magazine had 7 million views a year in its heyday, while pornhub, one of the most popular porn sites, had 115 million views a day in 2019.
  • 88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression, almost always toward women.
  • The average age of first exposure to porn is 12 years old. 
  • Lots more stats like this are in our prayer guide on this topic. (God bless the person who put it together—I don’t even want to know what her Facebook ads look like now.) 

Porn is still out there and still toxic. Kids and teenagers still think porn is a valid way to learn about sex. But what porn teaches does not match up with society’s values of safe, consensual sex, and it is even further from biblical values of intimacy within marriage. It’s deceptive, addictive, and eventually rewires the pleasure centers of the brain. Researcher Naomi Wolf writes, “There is a hard transition between pornography and real relationships. Some studies show that pornography has caused an increase in pressure of looks for girls and boys leading to a negative body image and physical inferiority. Sexually aggressive behaviour is strongly associated with regular pornography use, such as forced sex, intimate partner violence, harassment or abuse…also their preferences change over time as they need more extreme porn in order to get aroused.” 

In many ways, my colleagues in Africa and parts of Asia are dealing right now with the problems I remember from 15-20 years ago. Access to the internet and personal devices has suddenly and rapidly ramped up; and since school went online, parents feel they have no choice but to give their kids unlimited access. Kids are more tech savvy than parents, so attempts at adding parental controls often fail. Is it any wonder porn addiction is skyrocketing? Beyond that, my African friends shared that sex is such a taboo topic that the vast majority of parents and pastors wouldn’t even consider discussing it. So kids are left curious about sex and defenseless against porn’s distortion of God’s good design for it. 

We’ve just launched a program to help Majority World pastors to address pornography addiction. But teaching and resources alone are not going to bring the breakthrough we long for. We need God’s intervention. We need prayer. 

Please pray that kids will be protected from exposure to porn. Pray that Asian and African parents and pastors will have courage and discernment to go to war against it. Pray for us as we create and adapt resources—that God would guide and empower us. For more prayer points, check out this month’s prayer card.