This entry is a follow-up to a previous entry called God’s gift of grief.

“Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction,” writes author Molly Fumia. “The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is as inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied.” [1]

When it comes to grieving, whether it is the loss of a loved one or the loss of a dream, there are no linear patterns or formula to follow. It is simply a process that takes time, intentionality, and lots of grace. With that said, being wholistically healthy means we don’t avoid the grieving process but face it head on and allow God to help us work through the challenges and obstacles as they come. As He shapes us through our struggles and losses, we can flourish as He desires (Psalm 92:12-15).

After writing the previous entry on grief, I felt the need to reflect on what walking through grief would look like practically. How do we actually confront grief and what does that look like as followers of Christ? My hope is that the resources I have found will provide direction, insight and peace for those of you wrestling with the emotions of grief and loss in your life. Here are some suggestions for confronting grief head on.

1) Surround yourself with trusted community

God has not designed humans to walk through struggles alone. Not only does He provide the Holy Spirit, but God gives us others who can come alongside and care for us in need. Fellow believers have the ability to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Finding family or friends who are willing to sit with you and walk with you through your grief is incredibly important.

Trusted community allows you to cry and to express your uncensored feelings without judgment or correction. They aren’t quick to offer advice or rush your grieving, but instead simply listen well and provide practical help when you need it.

Make a mental list of one or two people who you trust and who will lovingly support you. Then, invite them into your sorrow. [2]

2) Allow your process to be unique

C.S. Lewis describes grief as this: “A long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.” The truth is, for each of us the landscape will not be identical, and that is ok. [2]

Some people openly grieve, including lots of family and friends in the process. Others grieve in a more private way, mostly behind closed doors. The fact is, grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, and how significant the loss was to you. Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. [3] There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish. It’s all to be expected.

Recognize your feelings, accepting that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions. Give yourself time, grace, and patience to allow the process to unfold.

3) Express it to God

An important part of confronting grief is taking it to God. The author of Psalms often pours out his heart to God. Interestingly, the psalmist never ends where he began. He may start a psalm with expressions of grief, but, almost invariably, he ends it with praise (Psalm 13, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 30:11-12, Psalm 56).

God understands us (Psalm 139:2). When we commune with Him, we are able to open our minds to the truths that He loves us, that He is faithful, that He is in control, and that He knows how He is going to work it out for our good. [4]

Here are three possible ways we can express our grief to God:

Through Worship

Worship can give voice to the soul, especially in the areas of grief and eternity. In fact, mourners and poets often instinctively connect feelings of grief with longings for Heaven. I encourage you to find ways to express your feelings and emotions to God. Allow worship, in all of its forms, to be a comfort for your soul.

Here is one song that I have found to be comforting and hopeful in my times of grief:

Through Journaling

A grief journal can be a powerful tool. Journaling is a tried and true coping tool for exploring grief, as well as other complicated emotions. Writing something down forces us to slow down and think deeply. It can give us an opportunity to reflect on and better understand our own behaviors, emotions, actions, and moods. Journaling can also reduce stress and improve sleep. [5] Try taking your thoughts to God through writing; you may find it to be a helpful tool.

* If you do a search on Amazon.com you will find that there are actually many pre-made “Grief Journals” that can guide you along the way.

Through Serving

This may sound odd, but there is growing evidence from various studies that doing volunteer work has a positive mental impact. Apart from providing a distraction, doing something to help others can make you feel better about the world, boost your self-confidence, and help you meet new people. [6]

Find someone to love and care for—maybe it is an elderly person, an infant, or a vulnerable person in need. Loving your neighbor is a great way to gain perspective and allow God to bring healing into your grief.

4) What has worked for you?

While I have given some ideas, I know that there are many ways that people effectively work through their grief. I would love to hear what has worked for you. How have you found solace in your time of loss? What are some of the ways that you have brought your emotions and struggles to God and found peace and comfort?

If you are willing to share your thoughts and experiences, email me or add a comment at the bottom of the blog.

More Resources

To end, I would like to point you toward a few more resources. Here are a few websites that I have found to be both informational and helpful:

  • The Help Guide is a website that gives advice for understanding and coping with the grieving process from a more medical perspective.
  • Moving Forward: Dealing with Grief is a good article written to better understand the steps of grief we will encounter over time.
  • LifeWay also gives a good short overview of the stages of grief and how to cope in this article.

Finally, for those of you walking with another through their grief, here are four brief tips I found to be very true:[7]

  1. Acknowledge the situation and express concern.
  2. Offer practical help—run errands, buy groceries, do the laundry.
  3. Practice the ministry of presence. Just be there. That’s all you can do.
  4. Understand that grieving is a long process. Just because your friend looks fine, doesn’t mean he or she is fine.

 

[1] https://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional-health/coping-with-death-and-grief/understanding-the-grieving-process
[2] https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/3-ways-to-navigate-the-stages-of-grief.html
[3] https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
[4] https://www.gotquestions.org/overcoming-grief.html
[5] https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-journal-can-picking-a-grief-journal-really-be-this-hard/
[6] https://www.funeralzone.co.uk/help-resources/bereavement-support/coping-with-bereavement/10-practical-ways-to-cope-with-grief
[7] https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/collegiate-how-to-deal-with-grief
Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash