I dislike grief. I really do. If I’m honest I hate being sad and I don’t particularly enjoy listening to the pain and sadness of other people’s stories. I hurt for them. My heart aches.
I know we worship a big God. I know He is sovereign and powerful. I know we are in His hands and that nothing happens to us by chance. Don’t get me wrong, that is incredibly good news! But grief is still hard. At times it feels suffocating and overpowering, at times depressing and even physically debilitating. Loss and grief are probably one of the toughest things we face in life and, because we live in a fallen world, it is disturbingly unavoidable.
Over the recent months, many in Reconciled World, myself included, have been standing face to face with grief. Lost loved ones, broken dreams and unmet expectations have brought sorrow and pain. My heart has hurt for you. And while I have often had little to offer but sympathy, I am also slowly learning the gift that grief is. While there are mountains more to explore, here are three thoughts that I hope bring encouragement to your heart during this time and the times to come.
1) God is with you.
God is sovereign and mighty but He is also Emmanuel—God with us. He doesn’t sit aloof in heaven leaving us to figure out our grief on our own. Instead He walks every step of the journey with us.
Jesus came and lived as a human in this broken world. He gets it. He knows pain, weakness, and suffering. As our High Priest who fully understands our heartaches, He intercedes for us (Hebrews 7:25), as does His Holy Spirit (Romans 8:26). He calls us friends (John 15:15). He promises to never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) and to give us peace (14:27; 16:33).
What we need most in the midst of grief is God Himself! He will meet us, give us Himself, fill the void left by our loved ones, warm our hearts, lift our burdens, and draw us into the sweet solace of fellowship with His Spirit. Oh how sweet it is that God is Emmanuel, especially in our times of greatest need. [1]
2) Your grief does not mean you have a lack of faith
When loss happens, why do we sometimes minimize it? Why do we avoid it and refuse to sit and grapple with the emotions that come? I think it’s because we are often afraid of grief.
I think we are afraid that our grief somehow shows a lack of faith. So we press through and try to forget the past. “God has a plan,” we say. “He is sovereign,” we remind ourselves. “I mean, how could we question the plan of God by crying?”
In our fear, we may push aside grief and suppress it. As leaders we feel we are expected to be strong and have the answers and grieving feels weak. So, we heed the pressure and we “get over it” and “move on.” In doing so we miss the gift God is offering us. We tragically miss the fact that grieving is the very process through which healing comes.
Friends, when you face loss it’s ok to grieve. In fact, it’s biblical and necessary. The apostle Paul gives us a quick glimpse into this:
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” 1 Thessalonians 4:13.
In this verse Paul doesn’t tell us that we are not to grieve, but rather he tells us we must not grieve in a certain way. Paul tells us to grieve with hope. It’s true sorrow and true hope all at the same time.
While there is a lot to this verse, the first thing to simply recognize is this: grieve! Paul gives approval to grieve. It’s good and right to grieve. Death is tragic; loss is sorrowful; it is good to grieve and this text gives us permission to do so. [2]
Grief is not a curse, it’s a blessing. It doesn’t mean you are lacking in faith, it’s actually quite the opposite. Grieving is a step towards recognizing your insufficiency and need for a healing Savior. Grief is often what God uses to draw our hearts and souls back to Him and the eternal intimacy He’s promised.
3) Allow grief to be a part of your story
The loss you experience will always be a part of your story. It will now be written into the narrative of you. Avoiding or failing to acknowledge these chapters is tragic.
God uses these pages of our life, splotched and imperfect, to shape us and draw us into a closer relationship with Him. He uses these chapters to refine us and cultivate the character of Christ in us. He often even uses our grief chapters to relate to others and give them encouragement which ultimately brings them comfort and Him glory. In our grief process, He grants us perspective, tenderness, love, and hope. On every single page we will find that He remains. Comforter. Rock. Shepherd. God.
He remains the God who grieved.
He remains the God who understands.
He remains the God who comforts.
He remains. And He is enough.
So we keep coming to Him. Working through the pages of this story. Refusing to give up, choosing to hope, choosing to trust. Our confidence is in Him, because He knows our stories. He loves our stories. He redeems our stories. And we keep trusting that, in the end, our stories are actually a part of His story. [3]
Don’t grieve alone
If you are experiencing loss and grief I want you to know I hurt along with you. You are not alone and are not expected to make it through in your own strength. Turn to God for your comfort and peace. There’s no shame in looking to God and confiding in a few trusted loved ones to help you through it. As always I am open to being a listening ear if you need it. Please let me know how I can help.
Growth Point:
Grief is a gift God gives, meant to help us heal and draw into a closer relationship with Him and the eternal intimacy He has promised.
Scripture Point:
Read Psalms 56:8. Reflect on the powerful image of God collecting your tears. How does this verse speak to God’s perspective on grieving?
Action Point:
Find a trusted friend to talk with. Schedule one hour of time this week to share your story and ask them for prayer. More suggestions for grieving will be given in a future blog.
[…] This entry is a follow-up to a previous entry called God’s gift of grief. […]