Great leaders are great listeners.
They listen more than they talk. They recognize knowledge and wisdom are not gained by talking, but by listening. As leaders it is important to accept that good communication is not a one-way street. In fact, the first rule in communication is to seek understanding before seeking to be understood.
Studies show that the average person listens with only 25 percent efficiency—meaning there’s a lot we’re letting go in one ear and out the other![1] Take a moment to reflect on your leadership, how are you doing with listening? What might your co-workers say about your listening capacity?
Lessons in good listening
The charter text for Christian listening might be James 1:19: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (ESV)
It’s simple enough in principle, and nearly impossible to live. Too often we are slow to hear, quick to speak, and quick to anger. So, learning to listen well won’t happen overnight. It requires discipline, effort, and intentionality. You get better with time, they say. [2] If this is an area of your life and ministry that you know needs to improve, here are five lessons in good listening.
- Good listening requires patience
Janet Dunn in her article “How to Become a Good Listener” states:
“Many of us are too preoccupied with ourselves when we listen. Instead of concentrating on what is being said, we are busy either deciding what to say in response or mentally rejecting the other person’s point of view.” [2]
Good listening requires concentration and patience. It means listening without an impatience to speak and hearing the other person out till they’re done speaking. But it’s hard! Perhaps we “know” what they are going to say, we have another commitment, or we were in the middle of something else when they started talking. Either way it takes energy and patience to block out our human tendencies and inclinations to interrupt and to extend grace in our listening. [2]
- Good listeners are present
Being mindful in conversations is a trademark characteristic of a good listener. Paul Sacco, assistant professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work notes when you’re fully aware in the moment, you’re more likely to retain what you’re hearing and respond with more authenticity. [1] A good listener focuses fully on the person in front them, blocking out all of the distractions that constantly bombards them and focuses on what’s being said. Being present as a listener gives worth to the person speaking and communicates to them that what they are saying is valuable and important.
- Good listeners ask good questions
Part of active listening isn’t just lending your ear but also asking appropriate follow-up questions that draw out more information. This ability to provide thought-provoking feedback is one of the best ways to show you’re engaged in what the other person has to say. Good questions don’t interrogate or pry into something that the person doesn’t want to share. Rather, we humbly draw them out and point them towards fresh perspectives through careful but genuine questions. [2]
- Good listening is an act of love
Dietrich Bonheoffer says half-eared listening, “despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person.” Poor listening rejects; good listening embraces. Poor listening diminishes the other person, while good listening invites them to exist, and to matter. Bonhoeffer writes, “Just as love to God begins with listening to his Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them.” [2]
Good listening flows from a humble heart that counts others more significant than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). It looks not only to its own interests, but also the interests of others (Philippians 2:4). It goes hand in hand with the mindset of Christ (Philippians 2:5). It is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). [2]
- Good listening is ministry
According to Bonhoeffer, there are many times when “listening can be a greater service than speaking.” As Christian ministry leaders, there will be days when the most important ministry we do is square our shoulders to some hurting person, uncross our arms, lean forward, make eye contact, and hear their pain all the way to the bottom. [2]
Good listening doesn’t mean coming with answers, but rather affirming and being a channel of love and compassion. Often times in our listening God uses us to speak and reflect the kindness and love that He wants that person to know. At times what our neighbor, staff, ministry co-workers etc. needs most is simply for someone to listen.
Great listeners are rare!
Research shows that there is a direct correlation between strong leadership and strong listening skills. As we seek to be the leaders our ministries need, let’s not forget to prioritize our listening and to be a conduit through which God continues to pour His grace into our lives and into the lives of others. In my opinion, great talkers are everywhere, but great listeners are a rare commodity. Will you join me in asking God to cultivate a patient, present heart towards those around us? A listening ear that asks good questions, loves others, and serves our neighbor?
Growth Point:
Great leaders intentionally seek to be compassionate, present, and attentive listeners.
Scripture Point:
Read Proverbs 18:13. What does this verse say about the act of listening well?
Action Point:
Ask a trusted co-worker or spouse if you are a good listener. Express to them your desire to listen better and ask them to remind you this week to be patient, present, and grace-filled in your listening.
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