Loving others is one of the most important and difficult commands Jesus gave us. As humans we are messy, broken, needy, and sinful people. We are often wounded and offended and spend much of our lives dealing with those offenses. We learn to put up with our hurts and press forward, but whether we acknowledge it or not, wounds and scars change us. There are no perfect parents. No perfect co-workers. No perfect pastors and no perfect friends. We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people, and each of us have our own stories and wounds to show for it.
One thing I have learned about loving others is that it is impossible if I am carrying offenses. When I am offended, I lash out and hurt others. When I am offended, I respond in impatience. When I am offended, I live from that hurt, and I become an offender myself. I find living without offense as one of the hardest things to do in life, but also necessary if I want to love as Jesus commanded.
I want to challenge us as leaders, co-workers, and friends to live without offense. To take the wounds of our past relationships and seek to find healing in Christ. With that said, here are six things I have learned about being offended by others.
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People are bound to hurt your feelings
Because of the fall, this will happen. Even our closest Christian friends and co-workers will at times offend us. It’s not because they don’t love us. It is because they, like us, are sinners working through grace.
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When others hurt you your spiritual maturity will be revealed
You will discover how real your relationship with Jesus Christ is when your feelings get hurt. You can be the greatest speaker, the greatest worshipper, or the greatest ministry leader, but when your feelings are hurt, what you do at that moment and afterward will reveal the reality of your relationship with Jesus.
People have one of two reactions when their feelings get hurt: they deal with it before the Lord, or they destroy others. [1]
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God intends to use mistreatments for our good
Recall the mistreatment that Joseph endured at the hands of his own brothers. Joseph took it from the hand of God, saying, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.”
To paraphrase Romans 8:28, everything that comes into our lives, whether good or evil, first passed through the hands of a sovereign, loving God before it got to us. And He uses it for our good.
Once you make peace with God’s sovereignty and His ability to bring good into your circumstances, the more at peace you will be with those who mistreat you. While God is not the author of confusion or evil, He seeks to use all things for our transformation. [1]
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Taking offense allows others to dictate our emotions.
When someone wrongs me, I instantly feel a need for justice and fairness rise within me. I feel as if I inherently have the right to be angry or get revenge. Offense stirs emotions and those emotions can be damaging. [2] My emotions and actions do not have to be dictated by the acts of others. It’s my choice to pursue love and humility over vengeance and anger.
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What you do with your hurt is your choice.
When offended you can choose to be upset and wallow in your suffering. You can choose bitterness, resentfulness and to retaliate actively or passively. Or, you can choose to live by Christ and bring your hurt to God. Sometimes the Lord will lead you to go to the person and talk to them in a gracious manner, seeking reconciliation. Other times He will lead you to bear it, take it to the cross, let it go, and move on. [1] How you respond is your choice.
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You can live free from offense.
This doesn’t mean that you will never be hurt. Nor does it mean that you will never be angry. Jesus got angry. Remember His temple tantrum? Paul said, “Be angry and sin not. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” (Eph. 4:26)
Anger is a normal human emotion when someone abuses you or abuses someone you care about. But what you do with your anger determines whether or not it is sin. [1]
Remember we have the ability to choose how we respond to others. We must be people who are “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” The Lord has called us to the high road of living without offense. But that only happens when we choose grace over revenge and compassion over worldly justice.
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In order to love others as God has commanded we must be tapped into the love and grace of Jesus. My prayer for each of us as individuals and as an organization is that we would receive the love of the Father and be empowered to love others this week. That we would seek to live without offense as we grow in obedience to the command of Jesus to love people.
Growth Point:
Living with offense is sinful and harmful and stands in the way of loving others as Christ commanded.
Scripture Point:
Read Matthew 27. How was Jesus wronged in the passage? Read Luke 23:34. What was Jesus’s response to being offended?
Action Point:
If you find that you are carrying offenses around, bring those to God for healing. Allow the Lord to highlight and heal any wounds and insecurities that cause you to respond poorly to offense. Share this realization with others and ask for prayer.
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