Ministry never ceases to provide opportunities. With requests for teaching, counseling, coaching, or to be on a ministry board, talented leaders are constantly presented with chances to lead and serve. The challenge in all of this is balance. How can ministry leaders balance the opportunities that come their way with the need to preserve time for recharging, resting, and investing in the ones they love?
How is your balance as you begin 2020?
Saying no is difficult for me at times. I tend to appreciate people and their requests of me too much. I have an inherent sense of mercy, and that often compels me to help in situations where maybe I should say no. I don’t feel imbalanced, necessarily, but I am fully aware that picking my spots to say yes this year will be important.
Why saying no is hard
For me there is a long list of reasons it is difficult to say no. Here are a few:
- My sense of mercy
- I want to please people.
- I don’t want to be mean or unhelpful.
- I fail to realize my need for rest.
- Sometimes I am caught off guard and don’t know how to respond.
- I hate missing out on something fun.
- I don’t want people to be upset with me or to speak poorly of me.
- Busyness makes me feel productive
As followers of Christ, it is commendable to be “poured out as a drink offering” (Philippians 2:17) for our ministries. And yes, there are times that we need to say yes to ministry even when it is inconvenient or challenging. But we need to remember, if we pour for the wrong reasons or pour out and are never refilled, that is a problem.
Four things to remember as we battle to say no
- Saying no means saying yes to something else. No to a teaching commitment could mean yes to rest, family time, or less stress. Perhaps your ulterior option is better? By flipping the perspective, we may be in a better place to honestly decide which choice is best.
- There is nothing wrong with thinking about it. In the moment, I am prone to making decisions on emotion. I have learned that letting the decision simmer for a time is key. Pausing before answering often brings clarity as well as time to talk to others and gain their perspective and opinion about the situation.
- Our identity is in Christ, not what we do for Christ. It’s easy to make our image our idol—to seek to please people rather than God. I often need to be reminded of who God is and who He says I am. His Word is filled with reminders of how He sees me and loves me in Christ (Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 62, 1 John 3:1). My identity isn’t in my service. My identity isn’t in people thinking I’m Superman or superhusband or superhuman. My identity is in being a beloved child of God. [1]
This isn’t really a matter of whether God wants me to do good works. Of course He does. It’s about trusting Him and who I am in Him. It’s about securing my identity to His truths and not the world’s enticements. I am who I am, not what I do.
- We can trust God’s providence. Ephesians 1:11 says that God is arranging all things, including my decisions, according to the purpose of His will. God cares about our ministry opportunities, He cares about us using our skills to build His kingdom, and He cares about our health (physical, emotional, spiritual, and social). As we seek Him, He will guide us, and we can trust that saying no in obedience will honor Him.
We can also trust that our no will open up a door for God to work through a different person’s yes. We aren’t failing the kingdom if we feel God calling us to say no to an opportunity. Realizing that we aren’t called to meet every need around us—that God might desire to use someone else in our place—is the first step to trusting God’s provision beyond ourselves.
Our ultimate Work
Our ultimate work is to glorify God (“do all things for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31). Learning to say no in obedience is a step in that journey. May your life and ministry be characterized by the boldness it takes to say no when necessary.
Growth Point:
Learning to say no to certain ministry opportunities is a hard choice that requires obedience, trust in God, and a secure realization of your identity in Christ.
Scripture Point:
Read 1 Peter 2:9 and 1 John 3:1-2. Use these verses to help you assess yourself as suggested below.
Action Point:
Do a self-assessment this week. Are there ways that your current schedule does not honor God? Are there things you are missing in your life that you need to begin or prioritize more? Have there been occasions where you have said yes when you should have said no? How can you learn from those situations moving forward? Take 30 minutes to evaluate these things and pray for God to reveal his thoughts to you.
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